Monday, February 28, 2005

What We Learned From the Oscars

  • Hilary Swank has officially used up all of her "Aw shucks, I'm just a bumpkin" cute points.
  • Sean Penn has no sense of humor (technically this isn't something we learned, just a reaffirmation).
  • Dustin Hoffman is either a raging drunk or he's turning into Rain Man (or he just understandably needed self-medication to appear in public with Barbra Streisand).
  • Chris Rock should host every awards ceremony.
  • Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek should never speak—especially not together.
  • The Academy has bred a race of giant, Amazonian onstage ushers.
  • Sidney Lumet has made an unbelievably large number of movies we've never heard of.
  • Scarlett Johansson is the Academy's bitch.
  • Renée Zellweger seriously needs to eat something.
  • Beyoncé has the strongest eyelids in Hollywood (take that, Jessica Simpson).
  • Apparently Whoopi Goldberg was the best they could do for a Johnny Carson retrospective.
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