Bush to Lead Search for 'Real Killer'
That's right, President Bush is on the case so we can all relax.
There has been no word on why Bush wants to waste precious time and money on an inquiry that will be widely perceived as the equivalent of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rafael Palmiero co-chairing an investigation into the the use of steroids in pro sports, or O.J. Simpson's tireless search for the 'real killer'.
Let us not forget, President Bush is a man with a congenital defect that makes it impossible for him to be even slightly critical of his aides and appointees. Karl Rove got a free pass for blowing the cover of a CIA agent, John Bolton is likely hurling furniture down the hallways of the UN building right now thanks to Bush's indifference, and former CIA chief George Tenet—the man whose agency was singled out for harsh criticism by the 9/11 Commission but who, according to Bush, has "done a superb job on behalf of the American people"—was given a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
And don't expect the buck to stop anywhere near George Bush's desk, either. He's not too keen on accepting personal responsibility for anything negative—ever. There was that amazing moment back in April, 2004 when, in response to a reporter's question, Bush could not think of a single mistake he'd made in his first term in office. Instead, he got that faraway look in his eyes and started yammering on about mustard gas hidden on Iraqi turkey farms.
I could sure think of some mistakes he's made, not the least of which is attempting to speak extemporaneously, and that's just off the top of my head. I suppose we can just be thankful that he didn't get up on the 17th Street levee last Wednesday and declare "Mission Accomplished."
The silver lining for Bush is that he'll never be left speechless when asked about past mistakes again. He'll always be able to tell that one about the time he assumed the American people would buy the conclusions of an investigation headed by the very man who stands accused of the crime in question.
Afterword: George W. isn't the only Bush who suffers from a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease. George's mother, Barbara, should also refrain from extemporaneous comments. Here's what she had to say about Katrina victims today: "So many of the people here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them." Yikes.