I Vant to Drink the Blood of Christ
"I promised that from now on I would write only for the Lord," said Rice, who sank her teeth back into the religious life after a health scare. Her new novel, Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt, reportedly has no vampires at all in it, but I think there might be a re-animated corpse in there somewhere if I'm not mistaken.
Rice's radical decision has left die-hard fans scratching their heads and nervously fingering their prosthetic fangs. Gone is the blood and gore (at least the good kind). Gone are the night stalkers (unless Pharisees count).
Hollywood has also reportedly taken the news like a stake to the heart (metaphorical heart, that is—we all know Hollywood doesn't have a real one), with Tom Cruise allegedly taking it particularly hard (the news, that is). Never again will he get to portray one of Rice's soulless predators—a role he was positively born to play.
Rice isn't too worried about a backlash from her fans however. After all, "Christ is the ultimate supernatural hero....The ultimate immortal of them all." That sound you just heard, in case you're wondering, was thousands of people simultaneously rushing to Blockbuster to stock up on Buffy DVDs.