Monday, November 07, 2005

How the Liberals Stole Christmas

Well, it's getting to be that time of year again. A tell-tale nip is in the air, there's an exaggerated frenzy at the mall, and the hysterical claims of anti-Christian bias are emanating once more from Fox News (doesn't it seem to start earlier every year?)—yes, it's the Christmas season and anyone who says differently is going to hell!

World O'Crap has a fantastic post (under the priceless title "'War on Christmas' POWs to be Held in Secret CIA Prisons") about Fox News anchor John Gibson's new stocking stuffer of a book, The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse than You Thought.

Apparently, under the guise of "tolerance" and "diversity," godless, heathen liberals are undermining the very fabric of society in their tireless quest to crucify Jesus for a second time. For shame! The minions of Satan announce themselves with the evil greeting "Happy Holidays" (which means "secular humanism is better than God" in Arabic, by the way) rather than with those holy words spoken by Jesus Christ himself, right after the knee-slapper he told about the meek and the peacemakers: "Merry Christmas."

They do this not because they can't be 100% sure you're a Christian (and there's something a bit off about you, I've noticed), or because there actually are other religious and secular holidays around the same time (New Year's, anyone?), but because their communist rat brains won't rest until the concept of God has been wiped from the face of the earth, one sinister non-denominational greeting at a time.

It's nice to see someone like Gibson finally standing up for the rights of persecuted Christians who, at last count, made up about 84% of the U.S. population. It's always important for journalists to give voice to the voiceless. It is also nice to see Gibson's choice of artwork for his book's front cover. What better way to underline the truly sacred nature of this holiday than with a Douglas fir decorated with electric lights, just like the ones known to cover the hillsides of Israel in the time of Jesus. John the Apostle wrote lovingly about these sacred trees in his lesser-known gospel, Santa Claus or Satan's Claws—Why Liberals and Hebrews Want You to Join Them in Hell.

So, listen up to Fox News. It's time to get into crisis mode. The War on Christmas threat level has been raised from evergreen to tinsel. And, for God's sake, say "Merry Christmas" to someone before it's too late. Otherwise, you're bound to wake up one day to find that your kids are gay and married and speaking French. And they won't be saying joyeux noel, that's for sure.
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