Thursday, November 24, 2005

The Worst People in America

On Nov. 2nd, Maj. Gerald M. Bloomfield II and Capt. Michael D. Martino were providing covering fire for a group of Marines caught in a battle with insurgents outside Ramadi when their helicopter was hit by enemy fire and crashed. Both soldiers were killed.

On the 11th, Bloomfield's body was laid to rest in Elkhart, Indiana. Unfortunately for family and friends, his funeral was besieged by religious fanatics—not Muslims angry at American intervention in Iraq, mind you, but members of the Westboro Baptist Church from Topeka, Kansas. They picketed the funeral, holding signs with wholesome Christian messages like "God Sent the IEDs," "America Is Doomed" and "God Hates You."

The church, founded in 1955 by "Pastor" Fred Phelps, is based on the following precept:
The only lawful sexual connection is the marriage bed. All other sex activity is whoremongery and adultery, which will damn the soul forever in Hell. Decadent, depraved, degenerate and debauched America, having bought the lie that It's OK to be gay, has thereby changed the truth of God into a lie, and now worships and serves the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed forever.
You can check out the Westboro Baptist Church website by surfing over to this charming domain name: godhatesfags.com (you knew someone had to own it, and now you know). According to the church mission statement, "GOD HATES FAGS"—though elliptical—is a profound theological statement, which the world needs to hear more than it needs oxygen, water and bread." It seems our brothers in Christ have spent so much time with their heads buried in the Bible that they haven't managed to crack open a dictionary any time recently. They should look up "elliptical," not to mention "profound."

Members of Phelps' church have been picketing military funerals around the country to drive home their point that every death in Iraq (plus Hurricane Katrina and the killer tornado in southern Indiana) are God's wrath visited on a country that deserves damnation because it tolerates homosexuality. They took a break for Thanksgiving (even bigots like turkey), but they're back at it today in Oklahoma City, picketing the funeral of Marine Cpl. Jeffry A. Rogers.

The anti-military angle is more fleshed out on Westboro Baptist Church's sister (sorry, ladies!) site—yep, you guessed it—godhatesamerica.com. On this site we learn that "The American Army is a Fag Army!!" Referring to a photo of flag-draped coffins coming home from Iraq, they write, "You worship at the fag altar, you get boxes draped in your fag flag coming home!" In case you're still unconvinced of their wingnuttery, there's this nugget:
Hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, earthquakes, IEDs, and more—we pray daily for more outpourings of God's justice and wrath on this evil, hateful nation. It is a sin NOT to take pleasure in the wrathful out pourings of God's justice on this nation.
So, if God is love, they must be praying to a different God.

In fairness, the good Baptists don't spend all their time slandering American troops. They also reveal that God Hates Sweden ("Sweden is a land of sodomy, bestiality, and incest. ...THANK GOD FOR ALL DEAD SWEDES!!!") and that Pope John Paul II is burning in hell alongside Ronald Reagan (because he was friends with Rock Hudson, natch) and Reggie White.

All of this prompts one central question: Really, seriously, what the hell is wrong with Kansas? First "Intelligent Design" and now this? Is there something in the water there that turns people into religious dingbats? If we really want to look for a sign from above, I'd have to conclude, based on the number of idiots he put there, that God doesn't hate fags, He hates Kansas.
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