Sunday, November 27, 2005

Xians Decry War on Xmas

Now that Thanksgiving is over, 'tis the season for insufferable bitching and moaning. Yes, conservatives and assorted wackos everywhere are stocking up on green and red ammo and manning the trenches in defense of the Savior in this, the annual War Against Christmas. Perhaps this year will be the War Against Christmas to End All Wars Against Christmas, insha'allah.

This annual rite of the holiday—whoops, that's offensive to Christians, I meant Christmas—season is officially inaugurated as soon as a FOX News pundit releases a book on the subject. Thanks, John Gibson! Game on! Then it's time for the most privileged people on the face of planet Earth—namely, members of America's socio-religious overclass—to parade across our nightly news screens whining about how their rights are being cruelly trampled by wiccans and the ACLU (as if there's a difference, right?). "The guy at Wal-Mart said 'Happy Holidays' to me. America is clearly falling apart at the seams. Who cares about made-up holidays like Kwanzaa and Hannukah, anyway?" Heaven forfend!

Lo, the signs of the apocalypse are everywhere. For instance, Darlene's mom couldn't buy Catholic-themed stamps at the post office. How her Christmas cards will ever find their way without the supernatural help of the virgin and child is beyond me. I wish them Godspeed, nonetheless. This post is particularly notable for the highly dramatized retelling of a conspiratorial conversation with the post office worker. Great Dan Brownesque stuff. Of course, this would all be so much more meaningful if it were remotely true. Have a look at the United States Postal Service web page and, gasp!, there they are, available in packs of 20 or 100. I just tried to order $37,000 worth of them with no problem whatsoever, so they are presumably in stock.

My personal favorite is when people get all bent out of shape over the use of 'Xmas' rather than 'Christmas'—apparently believing the former to be a callous attempt to "take Christ out of Christmas." It's my favorite because it is a theory so easily disproved that only the most dim-witted among us subscribe to it. But then again, the Internet wouldn't be nearly as much fun without the dimwits. Here's a greatest hits of moonbattery:
  • Who invented "X"mas? Why not C'mas, instead? My guess is that it was some twisted lefty from the heyday of communism in America. Someone who thought it important to X out Christ, not simply abbreviate.—One of the geniuses over at FreeRepublic.com.
  • An "X" cannot save you. An "X" cannot lift your spirit from the pit you may be in. An "X" cannot fill your soul with hope or change your life. An "X" cannot establish the path and direction of your life. An "X" cannot fill your home and family with peace and love.—from "Who Took the X Out of Xmas?".
  • It isn't Xmas, but Christmas/For that's the day Christ came./When you take Christ out of Christmas/You cross out life's best name.—from "Keep Christ in Christmas," perhaps the worst poem ever written, author unknown and likely embarrassed.
  • I can't remember when the very name of Christmas was so reviled. In the '50s that dreadful "Xmas" popped up but it was so blatant an assault on the name of Christ that it fell out of favor eventually. However, this did not stop the secularists.—from "Say It Loud And Say It Proud: Merry Christmas!" by Ann Huggett.
  • One often saw signs in stores offering "Merry Xmas" greetings. Today anti-Christ organizations such as the ACLU and the NEA have furthered their master plan....The liberal conspiracy to crush Christianity is reminiscent of Hitler's "solution" to the world's problems....The left-wing's "master plan" concerns itself with the elimination of what they consider the main threat to their agenda: Christianity. Liberals want abortion on demand, homosexual marriage, full government control of our children, the ability to censor any speech or thought with which they disagree, and a socialist nation that is part of (or preferably controlled by) a powerful One-World Government. Christians stand in their way, and therefore must be crushed.—from "Taking the Christmas Out of Christmas" by Tom Barrett
So, where do these homosexual atheist commie-Nazi perverts get off taking Christ out of Christmas? Well, they're not, actually. According to many, many widely available sources, including this one, the X in Xmas is actually the Greek letter chi which has stood as a representation for Christ in art and sacred writing for nearly 20 centuries, now. One of the most familiar examples of this is with the Chi-Rho or labarum symbol (right) that was created to be carried into battle as a military standard by Emperor Constantine I (of Constantinople fame) circa 325 AD. The Oxford English Dictionary traces the first recorded use of Xmas all the way back to 1551, years before the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, bringing with them the very Judeo-Christian values that their modern puritan counterparts so dearly treasure. Oh, by the way, the puritans banned Christmas as a wicked, pagan celebration of irreligious debauchery. Apparently it wasn't kosher to celebrate Christmas in the Boston area until the mid 19th Century. So much for tradition, eh?

Personally, I think the forced secularization of Christmas in the public realm is obnoxious and unnecessary. The only thing more obnoxious is Christians in America trying to come off like an oppressed minority. So someone at Macy's says "Happy Holidays" to you instead of "Merry Christmas." Big freaking deal! Is your faith really so weak that it must be reinforced by the nation's retailers and town squares so it won't disappear? Or are you more concerned that other people are exposed to the religious message of Christmas? If it's the latter, than in what way is that not about forcing your own beliefs on other people? That would be a pretty pinko-commie thing to do, don't you think?

Happy Festivus.
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