Monday, December 12, 2005

The Right-Wing War on Christmas

Christians are feeling a little bit insecure at this time of year, and who can blame them? Their struggling religion's fragile foothold in America—only about 86% of a population nearing 3 million—is in grave danger of eroding down to nothing thanks to the satanic machinations of our nation's retail chains.

Rabid right-wing pedants like Bill O'Reilly and John Gibson are at the forefront of a righteous battle to win back the mall for Christ. They're not calling for any boycotts, mind you. Here's John Gibson not calling for a boycott:
The point is people should do this on their own without me or Bill O'Reilly calling for a boycott. The store chain has its free speech. And you have your right to spend your money where you want, and don't spend it where you don't want. Figure it out for yourselves.
I'm most definitely (wink) not telling you (wink) what you should do (nudge, nudge). Now, buy my book. You'll love it, guaranteed! (Not a guarantee.)

I wonder if the boys at FOX ever take a break from weeping over the sorry state of marginalized believers to ask themselves this question: Why on earth would you want to force sales clerks to wish you a Merry Christmas?

Coercion is so anti-American. It's almost French by FOX standards. I think it's anti-Christian, too. Isn't wishing someone a "Merry Christmas" all about the sentiment behind the wish? Or are you merely content with empty platitudes? Having the pimply kid at Costco wish you a "Merry Christmas" is only about stroking your own ego and reinforcing your own belief system. That's the exact opposite of what Christmas is supposed to be about, wouldn't you say? Well, I'll be! It looks like there might be a War on Christmas after all.
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