Thursday, March 09, 2006

Aussie Asses Appeased

Finally, something for Americans to feel good about! We're not the only lard lads on the planet. As if to balance out the tremendous weight of Americans on the other side of the globe, our friends Down Under are expanding at an alarming rate. 62% of Aussie men and 45% of women are overweight or obese, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.

'Toilet seat'? That's a funny name. I'd call it a 'chozwozzer'.

Apparently, Australia's consumer design regulatory agency got tired of constantly hearing about shattered toilet seats in Outback outhouses and have called for new, sturdier commode facilities designed to withstand the growing Australian ass. Current toilet seats are designed to bear 100 pounds, which is plenty for an average seated adult. The Standards Australia review committee is set to recommend that new toilet seats be designed to withstand a punishing 330 pounds. I can just hear the Fosters ad now: Ginormous asses, it's Australian for average!

Alas, America always has to be number one. For a little over $150.00, you can be the owner of a Big John Toilet Seat, made with pride in the U.S of A. The Big John is designed to support an inexplicable 1,200 pounds. Now that's a lot of good, old-fashioned American ass!
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