Friday, March 24, 2006

To Hell With Health

In January, we learned that the health benefits of soy, the alleged miracle bean, may have been overstated. We've already been through this with oat bran. Now, a new study is casting aspersions on the health benefits of fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids. What's next? Vitamin C causes genital warts?

Let's sum up the wisdom we've gleaned from our friends in the nutrition sciences in recent years:
  • Pork rinds and bacon are great for weight loss—or, they'll explode your heart on contact
  • Several cups of coffee per day is just fine and dandy—or, you're digging your own grave one skinny caramel macchiato at a time
  • Drinking milk helps you lose weight—or, it makes you fatter than the heifer it came from
  • Carbs are evil and deadly, worse than the terrorists—or, carbs are evil and deadly, just not quite as bad as the terrorists
You know what? Just stop. No more testing, no more studies. Obviously every trip to the refrigerator is like walking through a minefield. The last thing we need is a bunch of people arguing over where we should or shouldn't step. Let us heal/poison ourselves in peace. Heck, maybe while I'm waiting for that swordfish embolism or yellow fin aneurism, you guys will decide that I really just cured my hepatitis and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma instead. Better yet, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Who's up for sushi?
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