Tuesday, April 11, 2006

An Anti-American Patriot

The other day, I had a little fun by taking a story about encroaching killer bee swarms and substituting "illegal immigrants" for "killer bees." The article read just like a Lou Dobbs editorial. Well, now I've been one-upped by Joseph Farah.

Farah is the founder of the right-wing online "news"site WorldNetDaily and is a nationally syndicated columnist working for Creators—in short, he's no marginal figure. But god I hope his views are marginal. Farah has written a special editorial for WND on the question of illegal immigration called "America the Infiltrated" that first crosses the line, and then turns around and spits on it for good measure.

"If ever there was a group of people more patient, more willing to turn the other cheek, more forgiving and tolerant," Farah begins, "I just don't know who it would be." He then goes on to eviscerate this generous summation of the American spirit by showing himself to be anything but forgiving and miles from tolerant. He may be willing to turn the other cheek, bit it sure ain't the one on his face.
Every day now, it seems, hundreds of thousands of ungrateful human parasites rally in American cities condemning their host country's lack of hospitality.
I thought killer bees were pretty bad, but "human parasites"? Wow. Immigrants are now a disease—a pox on the unblemished white skin of America. Not that Farah is trying to dehumanize immigrants, of course.
They have taken advantage of loopholes in our laws by dropping babies in this country who automatically become U.S. citizens, despite the illegal entry and presence of the parents.
OK, he is. Who says "dropping babies"? What are immigrants to him? Some kind of diseased, ugly puppies? It's clear that he only began his article with a paean to tolerance and forgiveness so that he'd have something to point to when critics accuse him of the intolerance and hatred he is so obviously guilty of.
They have forced Americans to spend hours a year listening to voice-mail operators give them language options. They have forced Americans to pay the cost of bilingual ballots and for Spanish translators at thousands of government agencies. The very character of our once-cohesive English-speaking country is threatened.
With multi-lingual voicemail menus? Well, Dios no lo quiera! He's right. The very character of our country, as defined by the state of our telephone systems at least, is indeed going right in the crapper. I bet the reason I have to wait on hold for so long when I call my credit card company is because lousy illegal immigrants are tying up the lines trying to suck yet another dime out of Uncle Sam's generous pocket. I'd vote in an anti-immigration referendum if only I didn't have to slog through all that Spanish on the ballot.
I'm sitting here astonished today—watching the latest demonstrations in Phoenix and Dallas and Pittsburgh and all over the country. Thousands of non-Americans with nothing better to do than show their strength, wave their flags, thumb their noses at our laws and dare us to do something about it.
Actually, these people are demonstrating for a right to take part in the great melting pot that is America. Most of the flags they're waving are ours. Some of the demonstrators may in fact be thumbing their noses at our laws. Meanwhile, Farah is thumbing his nose at something far more important: the idea of a vibrant, multi-ethnic society based upon immigration. The very idea of America. One would think that, as an Arab-American, Farah might be more appreciative of this aspect of American history. Alas, he'd rather open up a new chapter in that history:
They are darn lucky I am not running the country. I would order mass arrests at these events, forcing every single participant to prove their legal right to be in this country or face deportation. I keep hearing about how expensive it would be to find all of the illegals and deport them. They are making it very easy for us with these rallies. The fact that no one is even suggesting roundups shows just how far gone our country is.
Or it shows that American are, in bright contrast to Farah, generally the patient, forgiving, tolerant people he claims they are. I guess there's just no market in right-wing punditry for practicing what you preach.

I first saw this story on Andrew Sullivan's blog, where it received a much-deserved Malkin Award nomination for "shrill, hyperbolic, divisive and intemperate right-wing rhetoric". I know it's only April, but I smell a winner.
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