Monday, April 03, 2006

Attack of the Killer Immigrants

Not that I'm saying the American punditocracy is hysterical or paranoid, but I thought I'd try a little experiment. I took an AP article on the arrival of killer bees in Kansas and did a little word substitution. "Killer bees" became "illegal immigrants", "Africanized" became "Hispanic" and "agriculture" became "immigration". Let's see how it goes.
WICHITA, Kan. - Kansas officials are bracing for the first swarms of so-called "illegal immigrants" to cross into the state as early as this year, the Kansas Department of Immigration said Thursday.

Federal and state immigration officials have been setting up traps along the state's southern counties to detect their arrival and have notified emergency first responders. They also have prepared an informational pamphlet for the public.

"Anytime you have something that potentially can have a negative impact on what you are doing every day, you need to become aware of what you should do to keep yourself and your family safe when you are in that environment," said Tom Sanders, coordinator of the Kansas Immigration Department's Cooperative Hispanic Pest Survey.

The highly aggressive Hispanic illegal immigrants already have been found in Oklahoma just two counties south of the Kansas state line. They typically move northward about 100 miles to 300 miles a year. Hispanic illegals also have spread to Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, Arkansas and Florida.

Commonly known as killer immigrants because their behavior is aggressive, illegal immigrants are easily provoked. A single Hispanic immigrant is no more dangerous or painful than an immigrant from any other country, but Hispanic illegal immigrants attack in far greater numbers than more docile immigrants.

If the illegals colonize in Kansas, the Immigration Department plans to provide educational support and help the public identify them, Sanders said. A database would also be maintained so public to pinpoint areas of infestation.

Because the illegal immigrants look similar to the calmer European immigrants now in Kansas, the Immigration Department plans to set up a lab capable of providing the DNA analysis needed to accurately distinguish them, he said.
That sounds just about right. All it needs is Lou Dobbs' byline and it's perfect.
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