Thursday, November 09, 2006

Letter to the Coasts

We in the Bible-, rust- and corn-belts know what you guys say about us behind our backs, when you think we aren't listening. We know you condescend to "heartland values" and wring your nicotine and martini-stained hands over what's the matter with, amongst other places, Kansas. We know you have a pretty low opinion of what will "play in Peoria".

We've heard you chuckle pompously about "flyover country". We know.

So, in the spirit of mutual understanding, I'd like to remind the liberal (alleged) elites on the Right and Left coasts that you owe us big-time. If not for the hicks in Missouri (my home state), Montana and Virginia, your Republican counterparts would be singing a very different tune on the cable news talk shows today.

Let's also not forget that the yokels in red Ohio, the hillbillies in Arkansas and the meth-head Jesus freaks in Colorado wrested their respective governorships away from the Republicans.

So, I'm just writing to say, "you're welcome". Feel free to send us some of those martinis as a gesture of your gratitude.
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