Monday, February 05, 2007

Mission Accomplished

I would like to congratulate the Chicago Bears on their glorious victory in Super Bowl XLI last night! I know that some news outlets are reporting that the Indianapolis Colts actually won the game, but this is merely the latest egregious example of the liberal media bias in action. Here they go again, cherry-picking negative stories in a cynical and callous attempt to diminish the truly fantastic and spectacular things the Bears were able to achieve.

Particularly when seen from the vantage point of the coin toss and the first 14 seconds of the game, the Bears were unstoppable. I am happy to declare the Bears victorious and our noble mission accomplished! Not only did the Bears succeed—they struck with such shock and awe that the Colts were left dizzy and in disarray.

Naysayers may prattle on about what they call a "total lack of preparation" for the second half or about hideously ill-conceived strategy on the part of our generals on the field and on the sidelines, but this is just defeatism that serves only to give aid and comfort to the enemy and to sap the morale of our men in uniform.

Whatever difficulties the Bears may have experienced after the first 14 seconds of the game—and I prefer to emphasize that they had 'a lot of success'—really can't be blamed on the Bears or their coaching staff. No, blame should be assigned equally to the pro-defeat media and the fans themselves, who are now clearly unworthy of the joy the Bears came to bestow on them (despite the fact that we all thought the fans were pretty freaking awesome as recently as six months ago).

You're either with me or you're against me. Dissent is great, just watch what you say.
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