Monday, March 19, 2007

Along God's Highway



We're back from our road trip and holier than ever. Not one, but two sets of praying hands stood guard over our route, protecting us from some amorphous kind of evil or other.

The first praying hands sculpture (above l.) stands proudly next to a bunch of American flags in Webb City, Missouri. And what could be more important than sending your American prayers to an almighty American god?

The second set of praying hands (above r.) are not too far down the road in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where they stand at the gates of Oral Roberts University. Not pictured are the other whackjob monuments and Jetsons-era futuristic buildings that make the campus look eerily like Turkmenistan (where the recently deceased dictator built a gold statue of himself that rotated to always face the sun).

Also not pictured is the grotesque 190-foot cross that 'adorns' the side of I-40 in Groom, Texas. It was, after its completion in 1995, the largest cross in the western hemisphere. Hooray.

"Screw those Groom bastards," some very holy person said in 2001, and built another monstrous cross in Effingham, Illinois along I-70 that stands 8 feet higher than the Groom cross. Take that, you heathens! Have none of these people read the story of the tower of Babel? The funny thing is that the Effingham and Groom crosses look exactly the same, as if they were built from the same tacky industrial siding. They probably were.

Trust Americans to turn even religion into a pissing contest.

Anyhow, pray for me—preferably in sculpture form.
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